


The Hanged Man

by orphan_account



Series: Tarot [2]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Human AU, M/M, Smoking, Suicide Attempt, by icky blossoms, gerfra if you squint, inspired by the song perfect vision, please tell me where I made grammatical errors, the priestess is also a human au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-03
Updated: 2020-07-03
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:20:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25057591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: The Hanged Manchange, reversal, boredom, improvement, rebirth, suspension, changeprophecy, useless sacrifice, unwillingness, hopelessness
Series: Tarot [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1812100





	The Hanged Man

“Thats his name!”

Ludwig looks over to the figure holding their stomach like they have cramps.

“Thats just…sad”

The figures face is a flushed pink, her full lips are parted revealing pearly white teeth. She’s beautiful Ludwig thinks to himself, not in a romantic way. People like her are pretty when they smile.

The figure eventually calms down and they study in silence.

“Whatcha thinking about?”

The question shouldn’t be as stressful as it is.

“Life”

This is partly a lie.

“Real specific”

Her voice is laced with sarcasm, not the depreciating kind. The kind a friend uses when they mimic you asking a stupid question.The kind you grin and roll you eyes at.

Ludwig sighs and rolls his head to face the wall next to him, it’s the afternoon and the melting sun burns his eyes and touches his brain while they study.

“You okay?”

The question hangs over them like a shadow. Ludwig doesn’t answer because he’s still thinking about life, partly at least.

“Ludwig…Are you okay?”

“Not right now, but I will be later”

Ludwig’s eyes are watering now, like glistening pools of sunlight. His head still faces the wall but he can hear Avery moving across the room to sit next to him.

“Is it Francis?”

“No”

The answer is abrupt and leaves an uncomfortable silence between them.

“I-I just feel so empty”

His answer is shaky and emotional. You can almost feel the judgement in the room, it’s thick and suffocating.  
Ludwig counts the seconds it takes for Avery to reply.

“Do you need me to drive you home?”

Twenty seconds.

“No, I’ll walk”

Ludwig shuffles down the steps to Avery’s apartment, the winter air gnaws at his finger tips as he steps outside in to the street.

This street is as familiar as Avery herself, Ludwig knows all its secrets. From how you have to kick the light-post outside of the cafe Avery works in, in order for it to work. Or the way you can always find a pack of cigarettes that don’t have a barcode in the convenience store.Gilbert taught him that trick when he was fourteen, Ludwig hasn’t smoked since Gilbert died.

The gates are rusted and creak as he slips through them. His eyes are still watery but he doesn’t need them, his feet have memorised this path.

Ludwigs feet carry him to the edge of the cemetery, to a grey headstone with only a few words.

Gilbert Beilshmdit  
1994-2016  
“I am awesome”

It’s only been three years, but it feels like a thousand. One thousand empty moments that drag on like a bride walking through water.

The tears a falling now, they drip off Ludwigs face and water the grass in front of the grave.

Maybe… Ludwig thinks, the grass roots reach down to Gilbert. Gilbert feeling the tears through the roots and crying with him too.  
Maybe… The tears would turn in to an inky black stream as they ran through Gilberts lungs. 

Ludwig turns away to wipe the tears off his face and leave the cemetery. The sun is starting to disappear and the edges of the sky are beginning darken. The wintery breeze numbs Ludwigs face as he makes his way out of the rusted gates and back to his apartment. Or rather Francis’s apartment.

The street seems less welcoming in the twilight than it does in the day. Long legged prostitutes in fishnets linger outside the hotel, they throw seductive looks at those who pass them. Neon lights that blare from shrouded alleyways, gateways too cheap sex and drugs.

The apartment block is a drab grey building on the edge of the street, it’s almost the opposite of the one Avery lives in. Avery’s apartment block is fresh and modern, Ludwig’s is damp with leaky ceilings and landlords who neglect to turn the heating on in winter. Ludwig unlocks the door and makes his way up the steps, walking up the stairs quietly he can hear shouting, music and crying through the walls. He makes it up to his apartment and opens the door, as he steps inside he’s met with the pungent smell of a cheap air freshener Francis bought, underneath it the apartment still smells of Gilbert. 

Ludwig’s eyes are watering again, this time he doesn’t have the strength to hold them back. His silent tears run freely down his face like a waterfall drenching the carpet below, which could be described as the best wash it’s had since he and Gilbert moved in.

Ludwig can feel the rough polyester brushing his knees as he collapses, arms wrapped around himself. His sobs are ugly now the kind that makes you chest burn with grief and somehow guilt. His hands are clawing at his back, leaving bleeding lines on his skin through his shirt. 

It’s these moments that make Ludwig regret living, the endless emptiness inside that never seems to go away. Guilt eats away at him on the inside, is it so bad to long for Francis’s warm embrace? The way he could hold him and everything would feel alright, the comforting words whispered in to his ear as he rocked him to sleep. But Francis’s isn’t here and won’t be until the bar closes and the neon lights of the night club leave darkness in the alleyway.

Ludwig stands up and stumbles blindly out of the apartment, his frozen fingers grip the railing with bruising force as he makes his way up to the roof. The last slivers of sunlight are slipping away and the evening air burns his lungs with satisfaction and an icy sensation. As Ludwig steps close to the edge he stares down at the small town, he smiles with bittersweet regret on his lips. Standing up here is like flying.

He stands on the edge of the building. Electricity shooting through his body, thrilled with the idea of tasting that weightless sot of free. Adrenalin is coursing through his veins as he dangles one leg over the edge, the feeling sends shivers up his spine and through his brain. His breaths are relaxed and deep as he leans forward to take a step that isn’t there.

**Author's Note:**

> I made myself cry doing this.


End file.
